Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I checked into jail on foursquare
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
