he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
