I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
