Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
