Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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