Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
