dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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