I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
