Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
