I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
