this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
