Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So vagazzling was a success
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