hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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