Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
