Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
