I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize