The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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