And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
