i just had sex bonerless
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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