So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
