Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
