Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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