I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
