Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
