you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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