I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she peed on how many people?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
