You're so nebulous sometimes
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
