i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
