I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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