she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
