if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My ass is underappreciated
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
