Sponge bath it is.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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