ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
