Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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