You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
