My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
