mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
