my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
