On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His hands were made for my vagina.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
