If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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