I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
