the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize