Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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