So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
