I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
