well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
