My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
