I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
