Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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