Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
