Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
