Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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