Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
