youre lurking in front of me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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