I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
