No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
