I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
