it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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