totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
