The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
