He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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