This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
