Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
