Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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