I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
