Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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