kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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