Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
