I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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