i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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