Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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